I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
