i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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