hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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