i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
