just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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