So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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