Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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