apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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