Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
