respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This baby is an asshole
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
