This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
