I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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