Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
