too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
