i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
