That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
