I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
