Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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