I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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