We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
