ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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