I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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