I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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