Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
its liver damage thursday
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
