Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
