Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
