you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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