i would punch a child for taco bell
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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