dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
