im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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