Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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