Actions speak louder than pants.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
