i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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