Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
