On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
