I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
