just tell him i said nine months
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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