I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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