Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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