Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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