My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
