3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
