I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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