i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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