you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
