She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
