Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
