I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
