ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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