My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
