ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
