just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
