That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize