ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
