i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize