So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
