i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
