Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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