i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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