apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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