Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
