I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
