i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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