Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Found the puke drawer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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