I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
