tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
