I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
