you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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