I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
