Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
