i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
